Sam and Kevin - chapter 2

Campus started. It was really a nice, new and enjoyable experience. However there was the division of Asians and westerners. We were friends with other Asians but not much with white students. They weren’t being racists at all, just not comfortable with us I guess. But after some times when we worked together, play together, eat together and shower together, we gotten to know each other and the distance flew away. Arun and I were always together. There was Anita an Indian girl, Joe her boy friend, Tyler from Canada and jenny from LA. We all together were one big gang. No one could say my name right. So I just became Sam for short. Arun and I being gay was a known fact to our gang. No one had a problem with that. But we kept it to our group. Even though it’s not illegal in here, there can always be gay haters.

I went to “the bookmark” couple of times again. There was a coffee shop next to the bookshop. It was actually a part of bookshop. I started to go there some evenings, when I want to read a book or may be an assignment to finish. Kevin (that was his name) came and talked at least couple of words every time. We talked about ourselves, family, studies, politics and everything. We became kind of friends. We were talking about movies one day and the topic ‘Brokeback Mountain’ was on discussion.

“Except for the beautiful scenes I don’t know what’s so good about that movie.”

That’s my idea of the movie.

“Why because it’s a gay movie?”

Kevin sounded like irritated.

“Not at all. But I am not sure what the movie trying to say. The sex scenes are so….well they are just sex. No emotion or love in it. That proves the gay stereotype right, that we only care about sex”

“Did you say ‘we’ ?”

Of shit…… I am dead. It slipped away. Now what am I gonna do ? just say it’s a mistake or accept ? what if he freak out ? I didn’t know what to say. I was just looking at my coffee.

“hey man it’s cool. No worries. I am not gonna freak out or anything. Actually I am glad you said that ?”

“what ?”

“you see from the first day I saw you I was so drooling over you. I wanted to ask you on a date but I wasn’t sure if you are gay.”

Is this happening ? The man of my dream is gay and he is asking me out ? I must be dreaming.

“now everything is clear, would you go on a date with me ?”

I am flying. I can see the sun. moon and stars all at the same time. I hear the violins playing.

“so Sam what do you say ? please say yes please”

“Yes yes yes. I will”

Kevin gave me that smile which melts my heart. Damned if I said no. how could I ? That’s what I wanted always.

“so can I pick you at 6 Friday ?”

“where are we going ?”

“you like Italian ?” I nodded.

“ok there is a nice Italian restaurant about 15 minutes drive from here. Then we can go and see a movie. If you are ok with that.”

“sounds like a plan”

I could do no more studies. I closed my laptop and told Kevin its time for me to go. He offered to drive me but I decline. I wasn’t sure how I walked to the hostel. Somehow I did. Arun was in room.

“what happened?”

“Kevin asked me on a date.”

“he did what ?”

Then I explained him what happened.

“you should dance around you idiot. Why are you like this ?”

“I don’t know. You know I never gone on a date. I even don’t know what to do.”

“that’s not a problem. Let me call an emergency meeting”

In 30 minutes out gang was in cafeteria. Arun explained the reason for the meeting. Tyler and jenny explained me the fine art of dating. What to do what not to do and all. But I wasn’t convinced.

“all those are for straight people isn’t it ? do you think it’s gonna work for gay people ?”

“honey gay or straight, dating is same.” jenny told us.

“whats after the dinner ?” I asked.

“normally desert comes after the dinner”

“ha ha very funny. I mean should I do it on the first date or should I wait till the second or third date ?”

“hey don’t look at me. I don’t do dates. I just skip the dinner and jump to the desert part.” Arun said.

“that’s where no one else can help you. You ll have to decide that yourself. You ll have to follow your instinct.” Tyler answered my question.

“thanks guys for your help” I thanked them.

“you ll be fine. Just don’t forget the condoms and KY gel”

I smiled.

Sam and Kevin - chapter 1

Amith wanted me to write this story. He thinks that if I write this and share it with other people, it might help me to overcome some of my feelings. I guess he is right. I have never said these to anyone before. Here it goes. My own story…………….

………………………………………………………….

Everything started after I got to know that we are wealthier than I thought we are. I started to demand things I never did before because I never thought we could afford them. First I wanted to go to an International School. I thought that’s the best way to polish my English. Then I stop studying for the GCE O/L and took London O/L instead, then London A/L. by the time I am 17, I have finished school. At the same time I changed school, my brother and I managed to convince my father to build a new house. We three together made the house plan. That’s where I got interested for architecture for the first time. After A/L I wanted to study to become an architect.

I knew I was gay since puberty. I never had feelings for girls. However I had a girl friend when I was 15-16 years old. That’s mostly to show off to my friends. I had my first gay experience when I was 11 years old. That was a sleepover at a friends’ place. One thing leads to another and we did some fooling around. However we weren’t capable of Cumming at that time. My real gay experience happened when I was 14. A bridge near to my house was renovating those days. He was an engineer there.

I have to walk about 10 minutes to my home from the main road. I pass that bridge every day. First he smiled and I returned it. Couple of days later he waved and I returned that too. One day he wasn’t there to wave or smile. I was sad but I saw him waiting around the corner. He walked me home. This continued couple of days. One day I invited him to my home because no one was there. That day I let him guide me through the things that I have dreamed of doing with another guy. He was a good teacher and a great guy too.

The reason why I wanted to go abroad for my higher studies was not because they had good study programs there. I simply wanted to get away from Sri Lanka, where I can explore more about myself without hiding, somewhere I can e myself. With lot of research, based on study programs and sexual freedom I chose university of California in Los Angeles AKA UCLA. My best friend Arun also decided to follow me there. I was majoring in architecture and he chose interactive media.

It is a must that first years have to stay in hostels. As much as Arun and I wanted to rent an apartment, we had to obey the rules. We both were 17 years old, minors hence there had to be a guardian assigned. Luckily an uncle of Arun was living in Los Angeles those days. He became our guardian. He never interfered with our lives; he was there just for the paper.

We left Sri Lanka 2 weeks before the orientation. Arun’s Uncle Sean had come to meet us to the airport. We planned to stay with him till the university starts. He was a really nice guy. He treated us like adults. He took care of all the legal stuff; it was easy since he is an attorney. Both Arun and I wanted to buy cars but Sean (he insisted we call him just Sean) pointed out since we will be living in hostel, there is less chance we will need it. He said we can use one of his cars whenever we need it. We accepted. Either he or his friend Andrew took us all around the city. We were wandering what kind of friend he was.

Mean while we prepared ourselves for the task ahead. Andrew suggested we should buy new cloths which match LA style. We sure didn’t want to be seen like men from mars. Arun wanted the craziest thing in the stores. I always tried the more conservative, but trendy look. I gave up my nerdy looking spectacles and bought new stylish one. We bought many jeans, different colors and different styles. Then we went laptop shopping. Arun bought an apple mac, I bought a good old reliable, durable Dell.

3 days before the campus start, we could get to the hostel. It was ok. Not great. But ok. We moved our things from Sean’s to our new room. Andrew had played some politics and could get Arun and me the same room. We were yet to buy the books we needed. So we went to the information counter and asked for a good book shop. She suggested “The Bookmark”. It was about 10 minutes walk from the campus. It was a huge bookshop. We didn’t know where to find what we wanted. We were roaming around with the list when a hunky guy came and asked,

“Can I help you sir”

“you certainly can”

Arun jumped and answered. But not before checking him out well. I gave him the list. He looked at it and helped me find what I wanted. I was following him and checking him out. He was a Greek god; Perfect physique, heart melting smile. Thankfully Arun was after another guy. So I could have him for myself. My gaydar is working overtime. I got the signals from him but didn’t try to push it.

“All done”

He said after finding all we wanted. I thanked him and paid for th books. Then I found Arun, grabbed him and went back to hostel.

“That guy is off limit to you ok?”

I told Arun. I had to mark my territory.

“keep him. Don’t want him. You know anyway I don’t like white skin.”
Arun liked dark guys. Thank god.

Homosexuality, Buddhism and Srilankan Society

Before we discuss what Theravada Buddhism says about homosexually, it is important to understand that in Buddhism people are encouraged to look into inwardly when seeking guidance or a solution to a problem. In the words of Lord Buddha himself “be a lamp to yourself” which simply means do not search for wisdom outside of yourself, rather you should let your conscience be your guide and it is here that the teachings and scripts of Lord Buddha can be of assistance.

Generally speaking Lord Buddha did not say anything specifically about homosexuality because it has never being an issue, however this is not to say that there was no homosexual activity in the time of Lord Buddha. The Tripitaka (Buddhist scripts) refer to incidents of homosexuality and transexuallity. Specifically the Tripitaka highlights the case of a bhikku (monk) Wakkali who became a monk purely because he was physically attracted to how handsome Lord Buddha was. The Tripitaka also highlights a transsexual incident in which a married man with children was physically attracted to a monk, following this the man underwent metamorphosis and became a female and eventually married a man. Another section of the Tripitaka refers to an incident where a novice monk masturbated a high ordinated monk

While Buddhism itself makes no moral claim on any form of sexual behaviour, regardless of orientation, the vinaya (monastic rules) for monks, does states that monks are not allowed to enter their sex organ to bodily orifices (vagina, mouth or anus). But it makes no distinction between homosexual or heterosexual sex. Essentially monks are expected to be celibate so they cannot engage sex with anyone, including themselves. However it is important to note that the vinaya apply only to monks, there is nothing in the scripts that extend these rules to lay Buddhists.

The most important reference point lay practitioners of Buddhism have for homosexuality or sexual behaviour in Buddhism is contained within the third precept which refers to sexual misconduct. However this precept in itself is insufficient a guide as it makes no distinction in relation to sexual orientation or practice. In order to apply the principles within the third precept to homosexuality, one has to go back to the wider core Buddhist principle of “do no harm” and consider this precept in a holistic interpretation.

When considering the precept of sexual misconduct one can draw some specifics as to what is allowable and not. Issues of rape, adultery and paedophilia can be considered as incompatible with Buddhist teachings as they cause harm to others. Outside of these specificities one has to go beyond both ourselves and the scriptures in seeking a solution as to what is right or wrong in homosexuality, or as the famous Kalama Sutta puts it, “Revelation (anussana), tradition (parampara), the authority of the scriptures (pitakasampada) and one’s own point of view (ditthinijjhanakkhanti) are inadequate means of determining right and wrong.

Whether homosexuality is right or wrong is essentially a question of private morality. Having questioned the conventional basis of morality, the Buddha suggests criteria for making moral judgments. The criteria are what might be called the universalisability principle – to act towards others the way we would like them to act towards us. In the Samyutta Nikaya he uses this principle to advise against adultery. He says: “What sort of Dhamma practice leads to great good for oneself? A noble disciple should reflect like this: ‘If someone were to have sexual intercourse with my spouse I would not like it. Likewise, if I were to have sexual intercourse with another’s spouse they would not like that. For what is unpleasant to me must be unpleasant to another, and how could I burden someone with that?’ As a result of such reflection one abstains from wrong sexual desire, encourages others to abstain from it, and speaks in praise of such abstinence.”

So one must abstain from sexual practices which cause others harm. Whether you are gay or straight the most important thing in life is not to create harm and respect others lifestyles without creating them harm, this is a basic foundation of Buddhism as is the philosophy of seeking inner contentment, happiness and ease. Wherever you are and whatever you do, you must learn to accept and love yourself for what you are and feel at ease with yourself, and spread that ease across society.

Conventional modern day Sri Lankan morality is non accepting of homosexuals and homosexuality. The Dalai Lama recently stated that “if you want to be a Buddhist you cannot be a homosexual, full stop” surmises the modern day Sri Lankan approach to homosexuality. However this statement by the Dali Lama is totally without justification as there is nothing in the Buddhist scriptures to support this statement

Sri Lankan morality imposes guilt on homosexuals and Sri Lankan Law punishes it. The role of monks is to provide support to lay Buddhists in their day to day lives, yet currently monks live in fear of advising homosexuals because the may be labelled as homosexuals themselves. Sri Lanka is a Buddhist society and there is no place in the teachings of Lord Buddha for guilt and punishment. So how have we arrived today at the stage where the Dalai Lama can make such unjustified statements and Sri Lankan morality and legalisation opposes and punishes homosexuality?

The roots of this un-Buddhist approach to homosexuality can be traced back to the colonisation of Ceylon. There are stark differences between the pre colonial Ceylon and post colonial Sri Lankan attitude to homosexuality. The Ceylon attitude is illustrated in a 17^th century book by Robert Knox An Historical Relation of the Island Ceylon in the East Indies where he draws attention to the then Kings homosexuality. The modern Sri Lankan attitude to homosexuality is reflected in “Funny Boy” by Shyam Selvadurei.

The un-Buddhist excommunication and punishment of openly practising homosexuals in Sri Lanka has its roots in the colonisation and modernisation of Sri Lankan Buddhism. As stated throughout this article the concept of what is right or wrong is based in morality which is directly derived from religion, or in the case in Buddhism, philosophy. The colonial powers brought with them and externally induced to Sri Lanka their own sense of morality derived from their own religion, namely Christianity. In relation to human biological reproduction practices (sex) contrasts can be drawn between the Christian religion and Buddhist philosophy. While the Christian Bible specifically categorises the spilling (spoiling) of Gods seed (sperm) as a sin, the Buddhist Scriptures contain no such reference.

As both Thailand and Sri Lanka share the same variety of Buddhism further analogies can be drawn here. Currently Thailand does not legally or morally punish homosexuality and adopts a more Buddhist approach to the matter preferring to adopt a live and let live philosophy so long as the principle of do no harm is adhered to. The main variable here the fact that Thailand was not subject to colonialism and therefore a purer and more traditional form of Buddhism has prevailed while the Sri Lankan form of Buddhism has been diluted, poisoned and rendered impure by its modernisation along the lines of western principles.

In order for Sri Lankan’s to be considered truly Buddhist they need to find inner ease and be happy with themselves and stop expecting others to live as they wish them to live. In order for Sri Lankan society to truly consider itself a Buddhist nation it needs to stop forcing its people to live as it wishes them to live.

The Buddhist theologians within Sri Lanka have a duty and an obligation to advocate for a return to the traditional and more tolerant teachings of Lord Buddha. It is not only homosexuals who will benefit from this return, the entire Island of Ceylon and all its people will benefit from the tolerance, acceptance, openness and celebration of difference that the Lord Buddha envisioned

this article is republished here with the kind permission of the original authors.

Prayers for Bobby

Some readers of the blog wanted me to post something about gay movies. So fulfilling their wishes I am posting the first movie review.

I am starting with a movie which really touched my heart and made me angry about some of Christian and Catholic Church interpretation of the Bible. This film illustrate how religion when interpreted wrong, can destroy an innocent life. The movie is made from the book Prayers for Bobby: A Mother’s coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son by Leroy Aarons. The plot of the book is based on a real story.

After you watch the movie you might want to say a little prayer for thousands of guys and girls like bobby. I did.

you can download the torrent here. Prayers For Bobby